So I thought I’d start off by telling you the story of how my life has been changed forever by Aspergers.
It was November 2016 when I first set eyes on my handsome and intelligent Aspie. The way we met is a little comical – he was my removal man. So coincidentally the morning of the move I decided in the spur of the moment to apply some nice make-up and dress in some adidas originals – I’m usually the kinda woman who goes for the natural look, but it was my moving day so I wanted to look my best as I went on to a new chapter in my life – moving out of a deprived area into a better one.
As soon as he arrived he was eager to initiate a conversation with me in which he told me about his enjoyment of creating techno music, and I told him about my love for writing. We soon got onto deep topics of how society displayed itself and how there were many inequalities existing. I noticed that he was extremely intellectual and spoke in a factual/logical manner. I fancied the hell out of him – and I got the impression that he did me too! I couldn’t help but notice his tall, muscular body, striking green eyes and his serious, emotionless expressions along with his symmetrical facial features which made him heart-achingly attractive to me.
We continued to immerse in conversations and possibly indulged in a little light/awkward flirting. When the move was complete and he was ready to say goodbye we had a little moment. Our eyes met as he said goodbye and I shook his hand and told him that it had been nice meeting him. Something about him pulled me in as he stared at me with a slight hint of sadness on his face.
About half an hour after he had left I received a text from him telling me that his assistant had accidentally picked up my lighter – hmm very convenient I thought to myself getting a little giddy inside. The funny thing is to this day he insists that he merely didn’t want to be dishonest which is why he texted me – now I can actually half believe this as Aspies are often usually very wary of being honest and trustworthy to others. So we soon got talking and he asked me on a date!! I was SO excited!! Leading up to the date he kept in constant contact with me which I thought was lovely – I mean it could have been perceived as being bordering a little obsessive but there was something about him which compelled me, and it was refreshing to have a man make the effort.
On the night of the date he was dressed very stylishly which I later realised was because of his natural love of clothing styles, subcultures and his eye for detail. We went to a lovely Indian restaurant and he did the majority of the talking as I felt a little shy, I think he probably LOVED the fact that he could talk away without me interrupting because now fourteen months later I will voice my opinions which can often be tricky as he often has something factual to counteract or dismiss them! Anyway the date went extremely well, we shared a kiss, held hands, and he was totally respectful of me – he was the perfect gentleman! During the date he told me that he had Aspergers which I wasn’t surprised about, I felt even more intrigued and fascinated by this handsome, eccentric man.
After the first date we continued to see one another. However one thing I noticed was that when he visited me it would be like I was a distant friend not lover, and his face gave away no signs of emotion or enjoyment, but I saw past this and had faith that this was simply because he was different. When choosing a movie he wouldn’t ask me what I wanted to watch, he would choose something which interested him, but I didn’t mind as he was showing me things I’d never even come across and I was fascinated by it all.
Now the things which stood out most and made my feelings for him grow were his dedication to the truth, his gentle nature, his originality, and his authenticity – he really did have individuality which is hard to come across nowadays! After a while he met my daughter and I was impressed with how lovely he treat her, they both bonded immediately and I think a lot of that was probably because in some ways he is like a big kid, so my daughter could be playful with him.
It wasn’t long until I realised I was falling in love with him. In fact I told him on New Year’s Eve 2016, he couldn’t say it back to me but he said ‘I know’ like Han says to Leia in Star Wars. I found it super endearing and more genuine than if he’d have actually said the three words back. Once the New Year came we were inseparable and we haven’t spent a night apart since.
Of course in the first three months or so I religiously researched aspergers – I must have spent hundreds of hours reading up on it in order to understand him. After the initial honeymoon period ended I found it a little difficult to accept that there were certain things I could never expect from him, and I also started to doubt whether he really did love me as he would never really tell me so. The thing is that he would show me that he loved me by offering his practical help like cooking a meal for me, helping out with my daughter. His love language is very different to mine which has been really testing but I love him more than anything and can’t see a future without him.
We have created so many precious memories over the last fourteen months, but it’s not all been easy. We both have different neurologies so it can be tricky meeting both our needs. But I found an amazing site called different together where I have connected with other partners of Aspies who just ‘get it’. There have been times when I’ve questioned if I can go on, but those times are absolutely minuscule in comparison to the times I feel totally happy, content and hopeful. We have made it this far and it still feels like the beginning of one hell of a journey, but I will keep persistent and my love for him will give me the strength to keep working at things. I will continue to take each day as it comes, some days are hard, others are like something out of a dream so I will take the dreamlike days with the bad.
If you are the partner of an aspie then I’d love for you to leave a comment explaining how you met, what you found most attractive about them, and how the relationship developed.
Thanks for reading!
N x
Loving an Aspie man 